Fight, Flight, or Frosty

Recently I found myself in a hotel in Texas while attending a continuing education conference for counselors. The hotel was a welcome sight after a morning to early afternoon flight from Columbus, Ohio, including a layover in Detroit. The conference, our reason for being in Texas, was very invigorating and encouraging and the days raced by all too quickly. We stayed quite busy learning and connecting with friends.

During our stay we had occasion to use Door Dash to grab a bite to eat between the educational sessions, and I had a yearning for a Wendy’s Chocolate Frosty. Such a delicious, chocolaty treat. I could just imagine how good it would taste, how satisfying it would be. So, we ordered and waited.

The driver arrived, he seemed hurried and a bit frantic as he handed us bags and cups that filled our arms and then he was gone. We took our treasure to a tabled area in the hotel and began to unpack, expecting a nice lunch with friends. We found a place to sit down and began emptying the bags, taking an inventory of the contents. Sandwiches, check, fries, check, chicken tenders, check, chili, check,Frosty………..NOOOOO! Alas the driver had brought a spoon for this treat but not that which was to be spooned.

Now I clearly understand in my current, rational state of mind, that this was just one of those things. An oversight, a mistake, and a minor one at that. But that was not my state at that moment. My state was of Frosty expectation. A lofty and precarious state indeed. And what a fall from that state to a frosty-less state. Great was the fall thereof.

I felt anger, disappointment, dare I say despair. But I recovered and carried on none the less. I only had passing thoughts of this tragic mishap after this. Frosty thoughts of what might have been. But until the trip home I hadn’t considered that this was not just a mistake.

I started to consider another, more sinister possibility. Perhaps the universe itself might beconspiring against me. That God, fate, and all the laws of the universe might be actively thwarting my ability to obtain that creamy, chocolaty, Frosty holy grail. Why did I believe this might be the case? I became suspicious on the journey home.

After a long Frosty-less day of flying, from Texas to a layover in New York, and then home to Ohio, we were exhausted. We needed sustenance to sustain us on the drive home from the airport. We pulled up to a Wendy’s on the drive home, as much to right the wrong I’d suffered, as to get some food to do that sustaining.

We wait, the line is unmoving. We wait and wait; drivers start to leave. In time it becomes apparent, this is not a drive through at all, but a parking space that offers eternal false promises of Frosty’s that cannot be obtained but only dreamed about. “We’ll come across another one soon” says my wife in her naive hopefulness, failing to grasp our predicament.

Another one. As if the Universe will allow me this consolation. We drive on and do indeed find “another one”, but as we pull up to the drive through the voice says, “we’re closed”. Touché universe, touché. But my wife is not deterred, there will be “another one” she says, and indeed there was.

We drive on, and there in the desolate landscape, a vision of hope, taunting me with a chocolaty promise I now believe can never be fulfilled. What once had seemed like an ordinary amenity now seemed unfathomable. In fact, I refuse to hope and suffer yet another blow by disappointment.

Nevertheless we pull up, the sign remains lit, the voice invites us to order. “2 large chocolate Frosty’s” my wife says, somehow still maintaining a ring of hope in her voice. Your move destiny. Then…..silence…. until destiny’s mocking voice blurts out,“I’m sorry we are out of”, then a pause. In sudden indignation and exasperation I think, “Oh no, not this time destiny, I’m on to you, I never believed for a second we would actually get our much desired, desperately sought after prize, I get it, there will be no Frosty!”

Then it happened, a baffling reprise, “wait, let me check” …..silence…. an eternity, then “We only have medium, and we only have chocolate and vanilla”.“Do not toy with me destiny”, I think. Do I dare to hope? Tentatively, I agree.

And then the miraculous happens, we get our Frosty’s. Finally, I hold in my hand the subject of my hope. I peel off the lid, I free the plastic spoon from its plastic sheath, and scoop up what has eluded me for days. Finally, I will not be denied my happiness and peace. You may be wondering, how was it? To be honest it was kind of melty.

The point? We can sometimes become so glued to our expectations, our desires, our wants, that we ignore other possibilities of peace, pleasure, and contentment. We become hyper focused on what can only bring misery, on what we can’t have at a given moment. We even extrapolate this moment of denial as a timeless, universal decree that means we can never have our just desserts.

We mistakenly think that this one hope, wish, or desire is the only road to our happiness and fail to see how we pave our road to frustration and hopelessness with it. We immerse ourselves in disappointment and hopelessness, rather than recognizing that even if we have been deniedsomething of worth, this is only a part of our experience and not the whole.

Sometimes it’s true that you cannot have the thing you want. This does not mean that you can’t be happy. You just might find your happiness in a different way and on a different path. It’s also possible that if you are patient, and tenacious, your desire is in fact attainable. You might just have to wait and (will need to) be able to withstand the weight of momentary disappointment. Giving up hope doesn’t spare you this, it only keeps you stuck in this feeling. You don’t get disappointed; you are perpetually disappointed.

As a final insult, often even if we get what it is we want, it’s “melty” and cannot hope to live up to our expectations because those expectations weren’t based on the reality of what the thing could offer. It’spossible that the thing you want is not the thing you need, and so it cannot bring you what you truly desire.

We need to be open, in the midst of disappointment, to recognizing when we have placed our confidence in something that cannot hope to meet our expectations. Maybe not getting what you want could be a blessing, or maybe the disappointment of getting what you want might lead you to reconsider what it is you really need.

So go ahead, want something, hope for something, mourn something, feel disappointed about something, just be open to recognizing it for what it really is. One possibility. And order it to go because whether they have it or not your future is still ahead of you, even if it is Frosty free.

Note to my doctor: honestly, I am not out here eating Frosty’s every day. It was a special occasion. I regret it and do not anticipate it happening again unless another special occasion, like a Monday, should present itself. So, what’s with the third degree?